On Disillusionment and Finding the Light Within …
Part 1: The Great Disillusionment.
My inner understanding of passing through the Veil of Disillusionment is the deep realisation that we have no control over our lives. When this realisation strikes, for those of us on a spiritual path - whether that’s conscious one or not - we suddenly see the illusion of control at the subtlest of levels.
In brief this is when a significant event creates the realisation that, despite your best efforts following your guidance, integrity, honor, passion - whatever you may call the main pure driver of the heart path of your life - that you are still trying to control it and therefore subtly sabotage your progress. And what was once so subtle becomes glaringly obvious in a moment.
Suddenly seeing the assumptions, attachment to assumed outcomes, the subtle operating from fear rather than trust. The paths not taken because you knew better! You see all of this in an instant and everything changes. Though the experience is unique to each of us, I’m certain they are all equally dramatic - literally ‘the scales fall from ones eyes’.
As any somantic based practitioner knows the body responds to the memories of events that it stores. It’s a protective mechanism to keep you safe by going into automatic responses, this then has the potential to set the mind off into corresponding fear-based ego programming.
The thing is when we’re on a path of growth and develop new levels of consciousness, these responses may no longer serve us and we need to find ways to release the embodied trauma and teach our bodies new responses to unfolding events.
As we progress what starts to happen is that our mind is now in a place of observation and no longer automatically connects to the programmes running - it can see them and even feel strongly pulled by them, but doesn’t engage - and this may take some effort.
As an example of this is a story I recount quite often: the summer following my experience of passing through this veil, I was on a tour of the UK. Visiting friends and sacred places as guided, I was making a figure of 8 shaped journey. For some reason I can’t recall I had organised to make a Zoom call enroute. I had it in mind where this would happen, visualised it, set up my phone as a modem - just incase - even though the stretch of road I was travelling along had no 4G, so I really had to get somewhere with WiFi.
As I left the main town in my area, already a 2 hour drive South, there was a traffic gridlock - in all the years of travelling these roads this has never happened. I did my best to work with this energetically internally and externally and though things eased it was slow going, I was calm though a little concerned. As it was coming close to the time of my appointment I pulled off a side road and amazingly found a 4G connection and logged on with 10 minutes to go! Hooray! Then my phone ran out of data. I topped it up but it wouldn’t load, as the 4G connection now disappeared. By now adrenalin was bubbling though my body, I was in fight or flight mode. My mind and heart were clear as I stayed with my breath, but it was really uncomfortable and took a lot not to give way to my body’s insistence to panic. All I knew is that what was unfolding was meant to be and if I missed the Zoom call it would be disappointing, but there was nothing I could do other than to continue my journey and get to the visualised cafe and WiFi. I was going to be 45 minutes late, on my way I started to reflect on what perhaps I had done wrong … the traffic was still going slow yet somehow a black transit van managed to cut in front of me … surprised I immediately saw on the numberplate ‘YOD’, which means finger of God! I laughed and in that instant realised I had calculated the time zone wrong and still had half an hour until my call! In the end I was only 5 minutes late sat in a lovely cafe, with helpful staff drinking coffee and eating lunch during my call !
I was able to alchemise a huge tract of embodied trauma, by staying connected to spirit with that thread of trust. I now know this was part of my training for future more complex spirit led journeys, which I wouldn’t have been able to do without that beautiful piece of Divine led alchemy!
Sure, we live in a Free Will Universe, but often free will is the ego taking you further from your soul path.
Having passed through disillusionment you realise that there is nothing that we can truly control and to let go of the reins and let god makes life much easier,
even when our minds are giving us alternative stories based on associated past experiences and trauma, because we’ve dropped the attachment to outcomes and expectations we don’t engage the same any longer. And it doesn’t mean not feeling the fear - even though we may have healed significantly and not be so beholden to it as in our earlier years.
Hand in hand with increased self-observation abilities goes the awareness of the subtle traces still held within the body. All still so easy to miss without awareness, self regulation and the self accountability and responsibility needed to look within to find out what is really going on.
Having this finally tuned ability doesn’t make this process automatic !!! It is always a conscious choice, it’s just that there is less ego programming to wade through and divert us from making that choice.
My one-to-one work addresses the issues discussed in this post, I will also be running courses sharing robust skills for self-facilitation through these moments as part of a ‘Shamanic Mentorship : Energy Intelligence of the Ancients, Re-coded for the New Paradigm’ course and workshop soon.
With much love,
From my heart to yours,
~ Tania Aurora White Crow ~