On Disillusionment and Finding the Light Within …
PART 2: Finding the LIght Within
Passing through a veil or significant spiritual gateway brings immediate clarity and integration. For when you no longer see life the same, you can no longer engage in the same way either - you start sourcing your response to the world around you from a different place.
And there is no break, for with new insight is a clear knowing of the next steps to be taken. And with Disillusionment the next part of the journey is into the Deeper Trust required for full Surrender.
As with any unlearning process, surrender is something that we step in and out of. We continue releasing any remaining trauma, conditioning, belief systems etc. … and discovering what it is not - in this case - surrender. Resigning to your fate is not the same as surrendering into trusting a divine plan outside the realms of human comprehension.
Resignation is passive resistance.
Resistance shows us our growth edge, where we’re not in alignment with our soul - as we progress these edges become far too uncomfortable to maintain for long. When we recognise it, resistance becomes a great ally. We can start to have fun, get creative - take a day off and party at the edge - otherwise it is like banging your head against a brick wall, painful and slow.
Acceptance of what is, is part of the path to surrender. Neither are passive. Many of us may act as channels or hollow bones and ‘get out of the way’ when we are working with spirit.
Surrender is an offering up of self as a vehicle for the Divine - all the time - it is a proactive, constant self recalibrating participation in an active co-creation that flows through you.
More recently some of these subtleties have caught me out. Returning from the US in November meant, that where I live in Scotland, there was already 3 to 4 hours less daylight i.e. more dark. Though I took the time zone difference in my stride, the affect that sudden lack of light had, took me by surprise. And it really started to have an impact, I found myself feeling depressed for the first time in years. I have felt sadness, grief, disappointment - many things - as I’ve shifted through the denser realms within … but not depression … Then I realised that I had allowed this to seep into me and unconsciously resigned to this feeling - sure my body may be finding it difficult to adjust, but it didn’t mean that my mind had to engage with and label this as an associated negative pattern.
Sure labels may help us to function to an extent in the physical consensus reality - but once we attach meaning and start to identify with them, they become a limiting mask of our personal spark of divine truth. We are here to break down these self-imposed barriers - release the rigidity of thinking and step into our limitless potential.
And yet here I was immersed in a completely subconscious process, so I resumed a formal meditation practice to support myself.
One morning I recalled a vision I had had earlier in the year, when I was a dragon in an egg speeding through the void trying to find the light, struggling and calling out ‘where’s the light!’. Huge dragons were watching me from other universes unable to do anything to help … until finally falling into stillness I realised that the light was within me and that changed everything!
And so in my meditation I went to find the light within, and I could hear and feel the click of the light switching on, it was so palpable. And each filament of light reached out and expanded until I was a ball of light and the depression cleared. My body still felt slow and affected by the dark, but I could align and accept that without being in a depressive state - I could enjoy the slower pace and the different sensations and take the time my body needed to adjust. These feelings were not coming from outside of me - although some had collective origins - they were embodied belief systems, even though I hadn’t connected with them for so long.
When we start radical self-exploration of making these subconscious and unconscious processes conscious, we are on the path to freedom.
Sure there will be the breaking down of long held conditioning, belief systems and all sorts of ego held programming bodily and mentally. But ask anyone who is further along that journey than you - they wouldn’t change it at all. This is what leaving the inverted matrix looks like. Messy and uncertain, but change your perspective and it is liberating.
The path isn’t linear - we can be learning these lessons at different times, at different rates and levels, experience various initiations - before passing through a gateway or veil. We may even become ‘stuck’ and appear to step off the path for years, I certainly have felt I have done this …
Though looking back it no longer concerns me, taking a tangent into other learnings or much needed rest. Appear to or feel we are going backwards, which is a common sensation with a thorough integration, and/or a reinforcement opportunity to apply what you’ve learned or experienced from a new level of consciousness.
When we sense change coming and align with that instinct, learning to step into the unknown becomes an exhilarating and fun adventure … you are in control because you are not ! We learn that we are always supported by unseen forces - whatever we may call them.
Trusting in spirit is the path to surrender, the place of least resistance.
And it is freedom.
My one-to-one work addresses the issues discussed in this post, I will also be running courses sharing robust skills for self-facilitation through these moments as part of a ‘Shamanic Mentorship : Energy Intelligence of the Ancients, Re-coded for the New Paradigm’ course and workshop soon.
With much love,
From my heart to yours,
~ Tania Aurora White Crow ~