Harmony and working with the Inner Child

I lost my balance recently.

In my recent work I’ve been talking about the difference between balance and harmony and how you can be unbalanced and remain in harmony within yourself. This happens when we accept parts of ourself that still have some healing to do and don’t feel in alignment with the majority of ourselves.

It is all to easy to dismiss and marginalise these parts.

One night as I was working through something within myself I realised that a tiny part of me was still holding on to some hope that a previous relationship would work out. One that I have very much moved on from and felt well past any glimmer of reconciliation. Time was well and truly up. Yet I had been feeling this persons energy trying to reconnect with me, over the previous days.

I’ve spent much time working with this inner child part. She’s been sat in front of a television watching Disney romances to escape from the unhealthy relationship of her parents - knowing that there’s a different way to be … though Disney’s not it … she doesn’t have the world experience to express what she knows.

And I have been rewriting the stories with her.

I came into this world knowing that everything was about love, yet nothing mirrored back to me what I knew it to be. The instructions from the external world were ‘this is how we love you’ and ‘ this is what you have to do to be loved’ followed by ‘you’re doing it wrong!’ - and it baffled me. I still remember the patience of one priest in our religious education classes at primary school … I would stick up my hand and answer ‘love’ to every question - so when that was the answer he was looking for, he always indicated to me to answer.

The following morning there was a message from this man, which I decided to respond to and we talked reaching some level of reconciliation and agreed to talk some more. Yet despite the love I have for him, I didn’t feel the same. I no longer wanted a relationship with him and over a few days saw the same patterns unfolding - clearly.

I have learnt that acceptance means showing that external world ‘this is who I am’ and ‘this is how you love me’ and wanting the same transparency from others.

And so I broke off contact with him again.

I spent those days literally cleaning house. There is much work to do on clearing out the old croft house here and I powered through it, not feeling like writing or being online much at all. Through it all I kept coming back to that place of inner harmony, no matter how much the balance tipped or I was being pulled in other directions. So though it was distracting on one level, I was focused and very much in my body.

I am grateful for this clarification. Seeing new perspectives has helped me see how much I have integrated this inner child part and that she is more aligned now with the rest of me … no longer holding onto that fragment of hope. She is wilder and knows she can write her own story, one that doesn’t fit others expectations.

And I have learnt that to truly move on, to bring all parts of me - with me. 

with much Love
from my Heart to yours,

Tania Aurora White Crow