Soul Retrieval: A Personal Journey
My journey homeward Sunday and yesterday became like a multiple soul retrieval. I’d been privileged to hold the fire and stone for a Sweatlodge, more correctly a Purification and Renewal Ceremony, with a soul sister.
I travelled routes of countless incarnations of this life and so many others too. And so the completion theme continued. Ways I haven’t travelled for too long, that were once an integral part of my life. The Aberdeenshire agricultural mart of smallholding days, the venue for my horticultural training, an unexpected view to a Vision quest site - which lies across a sea firth from the first in-person Buddhist Sangha I attended. Previous retreat venues, a town with a Pictish fort and surviving Viking heritage … much more … until finally a wish completed staying somewhere I’d only ever driven through to attend all the above … and meeting a new friend.
Yesterday I felt drawn to visit the Benedicine Abbey at Pluscarden. In May it will be 20 years since I spent 5 days there as a retreatant. When I first connected with Thich That Hahn’s teachings I felt I had finally found a practice that could take me all the way to the centre of myself. Settling down in all seriousness to commit myself to this, in his first book I read that he advised us to connect with our ancestral religions. After much resistance and reflection on this coupled with the little knowledge of my previous exploration of more Ancient roots - I accepted that for me this was Catholicism. And I was delighted to find a Benedictine order so nearby that took in individual retreatants.
Here I met the spirituality of Catholicism for the first time - the dogma was still there in some aspects - but this didn’t prevent me from connecting with the spirituality which had been hidden within the monastic walls for so long.
And I became reconciled with Catholicism and understood Thay’s wisdom, though I did return to his community and practice. The time I spent re-exploring Catholicism and Christianity from this new perspective was greatly healing.
At the monastery I connected and communed with 4 ancient Yews holding the Four Directions, the four winds, around what probably was once a well - but is now a circle of renewal. The directions were also depicted in one of the stained glass windows - as was the Sacred Union. It felt significant that I was not only visiting on the Spring Equinox, but it turned out that it was St. Josephs feast day. Further sychronicity was finding a piece of a Giant Redwood tree in the gift shop felled exactly 10 years previously - these trees have a special place in my heart and an ancient connection to Lemuria. Benedictines are also known for keeping bees, potent pollinators and central to Bee Shamanism and the Path of the Melissae. My biodynamic medicinal herb horticultural mentor, also a bee-keeper, had supported the monks here with their bees. So many heartfelt synchronicities.
As I was leaving the monastery, after attending the beautiful sung prayer, in Gregorian chant, at Sext … I met a woman arriving for retreat. I had noticed nuns about, but assumed they were visiting. What delighted me, was that she told me that the woman retreat centre is now within the walls of the Abbey. And that the nuns live in St. Scholasta’s, which was the previous women retreat centre - outside the walls. This is an enormous and important change, though the women and men still don’t eat together. You may recall my reflections on this when I visited the Vatican last June in Gaia and the Vatican
The Benedictines can retrace their roots back to the Desert Fathers, who are pre-Christian hermits. It is my understanding that many hermits throughout Europe were absorbed into the church’s monastic orders. And that in these orders much of the ancient ways have been preserved. The Templars, the Cathar’s and so many others - some literally hidden within the perceived enemy and given sanctuary. The monastic orders themselves were persecuted, as were the Catholics and literally hid within themselves to survive. It is curious that many Benedictines are both priest and monk - that the Catholic church even has monastic orders … I was connecting with this before in my post Honoring the Wild Feminine
In my recent work this juxtatoposition of those hiding within these orders during past-life’s - the complexity of which folk were unable to reconcile has been coming to the fore. The cost of this survival, the trauma and the wounding it has created, feeling both betrayed and betrayer …. And the constant fear they lived in of being discovered, still has had a huge impact on their lives in the Now.
Before my few days travel the Benedictine cross has been calling for my attention … it reminds me of a Medicine Wheel … when I bought a ceremonial candle recently, it was a Benedictine one that called me … I know there is still much to unfold here and I am excited for this process of revealing - like a rose slowly opening petal by petal.
In laying to rest what of the past no longer serves us we can start to clarify the wisdom that it contains. It will be hidden until we do … new beginnings always grow in the rich compost of the old. The ancient that held us and protects us until we are ready to make our own choices and discernment and we may carry through a few golden threads that are purified in this alchemical process, to be woven in a new way … as we prepare to embrace our renewal and rebirth and step into the unknown.
withw much Love
from my Heart to yours
Tania Aurora White Crow