Making Waves
So much of our primal instinct is tied into survival … Our limbic brain is the centre that governs much of the response to external stimulus based on memory of previous situations, especially that which threatened our safety … It takes time and dedication to work through and heal these traumas. So it takes time to start valuing ourselves enough to stop being nice for the sake of it and risk losing a relationship … Choosing to come from a place of anger meant being able to facilitate myself in the moment using personal pattern recognition, combined with an awareness of the wider field, the symbiosis and alchemically shift the synergy.
How can you fully express how you truly feel when it risks losing a relationship ?
I recently had an experience where I made a very conscious decision to respond to someone with the anger I was feeling, rather than waiting to process myself out of the anger. I had already done this in previous communications, and from my perspective it was about time this person felt some of my rawness. It wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction or a uncontrollable outburst, but a very clear, calm but strong ‘f..c you’, this is not OK.
Being able to achieve this level of protecting my boundaries and self-worth and being comfortable with the outcome, whatever that may be, has not happened over night. It has taken years of conscious effort, though decades would be more accurate, of working through the trauma and conditioning belief systems, embedded in my cellular memory and nervous system.
Each and every relationship brings a fresh perspective of inter-relational dynamics, even when the patterns are similar, so our lives are rich with opportunities to practice. I started in small ways, until my courage grew alongside my skill and expanding psychological understanding and spiritual toolkit.
There is much talk about knowing our value and worth, not being ‘nice’ but being real and to stop being a people pleaser. Though these statements may be confirming, inspiring, reassuring and well intentioned, often they don’t recognise that not being able to is a trauma response. They are not coupled with processes to support people recognising and moving out of trauma and towards increasing and embodying more self-worth.This subtly invalidates the originating traumas and may cause people to rush the process, only to get frustrated and possibly retraumatised.
So much of our primal instinct is tied into survival, and survival has meant fitting in and making bonds with our network of support systems for protection. These systems are usually our families and/or the immediate interacting community.
Our limbic brain is the centre that governs much of the response to external stimulus based on memory of previous situations, especially that which threatened our safety. It will start sending signals through the nervous system creating hormonal fluctuations that trigger flight, fright, freeze or fawn responses in us. So in effect trauma memories that are both ours, from this incarnation and others, as well as ancestral, through blood, spiritual and cultural inheritance, discern our response below the level of our conscious awareness.
It takes time and dedication to work through and heal these traumas. To try and heal them in one go would be so overwhelming it may create a healing crisis that potentially could be life threatening. Though I have heard stories from, and witnessed, others experiences where unexpected events occur to do just this, this is the rarity.
So it takes time to start valuing ourselves enough to stop being nice for the sake of it and risk losing a relationship.
Sure I know some people seem to be born that way, it doesn’t mean they are trauma free simply that ‘fawning’, i.e. being a people pleaser, is not one of their responses to a trigger. Choosing to come from a place of anger meant being able to facilitate myself in the moment and realising that, for me, this was where I needed to come from to create the change I needed that would be beneficial for me. So within that I was loving myself. It has taken years of work to be able to access myself and the wider field in the moment like that.
Self facilitation brings an awareness to all the inner responses in such a moment, choose the one most appropriate and manage the consequences. It treats each moment as it is, using personal pattern recognition, combined with an awareness of the wider field, the symbiosis and alchemically shift the synergy.
As we move from the Hunter archetype, the one who has practiced tracking different patterns, energies and dynamics, we move into the Warrior archetype. The Warrior having embodied all that accumulated knowledge and experience, moves from a more instinctual, intuitive place. They have worked through enough of their own embodied patterns, belief systems and trauma so that their responses and discernment aren’t clouded.
They are in the Now.
With much love,
from my Heart
to yours,
Tania Aurora White Crow
I will be running self-facilitation workshops in the near future, as part of my Shamanic Mentorship programme - Energy Intelligence of the Ancients, Re-coded for the New Paradigm.
I am an eclectic facilitator with over 2 decades experience.
I have founded, assisted with, developed and facilitated a variety of meditation groups, retreats and workshops. I am down-to-earth and work from a Shamanic perspective with a Zen Buddhist/Mindfulness foundation - having also acquired several years Processwork training in Group Facilitation and Conflict Resolution.
I used these skills outside spiritual realms for a community organisation where I founded, managed and coordinated a multi-faceted volunteer programme.